My Life Is a Lie
by Touya4me
Summary: Yusuke is so overwhelmed by his inner turmoil that he has resorted to cutting himself. Now Hiei is the only one who can save him. Anyway, there might be some yaoi later, so if you don't like that then don't read this.
1. Blood Loss

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and I never will. So I'll have to settle for writing about it.

Chapter One-- Blood Loss

Yusuke's POV

My life is a lie. My bravado, my humor, everything... is nothing but a facade. A mask to hide all the hurt inside. Why am I hurting, you may ask? Because I have nothing and no one. My mother is a drunk who barely knows I exist. My father? Long dead. My team? Ha, what a laugh! None of them care for anyone but themselves. Keiko? She isn't capable of showing me the slightest sign of affection, unless you count slapping me around.

That is why I fight. I fight for no other reason than to become so immersed in it that I can forget, if just for a moment, that no one cares. And for that single moment, I find peace. I am able to focus on nothing but fighting, on saving my life, on beating my opponent before they can beat me.

But lately, even this has not been enough. There aren't enough opponents in the world to stop the pain I feel. The pain of not being wanted and not being loved. That is why I now cut myself. You see, when I watch my blood flow from the wounds I make, it is as though I am watching my pain flow with it. The pain just washes away in a crimson river of blood. It's a small price to pay, if you ask me.

Later, at Genkai's

Yusuke's POV

Koenma called a meeting at Genkai's today. Apparently, he'd managed to get yet another priceless artifact stolen. Luckily, we only had to deal with a bunch of D-class demons so it wasn't really a big deal. After the mission, the team came back to Genkai's to hang out. Naturally, Hiei didn't stay. I didn't really feel like sticking around either, so I decided to take a walk in the woods.

I walked deep into the woods, trying to become as lost in this forest as I was in my own thought. I eventually came to a part of the woods I had never seen before and I decided to sit down and rest.

I became bored, so I pulled out the butterfly knife that I now carried everywhere. I just played around with it for a little while before I couldn't stand all of the emotions that were roiling inside of me. So I pulled up my sleeve and started cutting, it didn't really matter where. However, I was careful to avoid my wrist because I am not so far gone as to have a death wish. Yet.

When I finally stopped cutting myself, I stopped to take a look at my arm. I was startled to see the damage I had done to myself. It looked as though someone had attempted to skin me alive. However, my worries did not last long as I promptly passed out from the blood loss. It looks like I didn't need to worry about slicing my wrist open after all.

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So, this is my first story. If you like it, review, if you hate it, tell me what I did wrong. But please don't flame me just because you don't like what the story is about. Anyway, I hope you like it. And PLEASE review!!! : )


	2. Warmth Revealed

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho and I never will, so please don't sue me for writing about it.

Chapter Two-- Warmth Revealed

Hiei's POV

I was lounging in a tree when that damn detective wandered by and sat down beneath the tree I was sitting in. I was about to yell at him and tell him to get the fuck away from my tree when I saw him pull something out of his pocket. I was vaguely interested in what it was, so I decided to hold my tongue and see what he did with the thing. To my surprise, the small metal rectangle split down the middle and became a rather wicked looking knife. I was interested to see that Yusuke began to play with the knife, doing tricks with it. Then I watched in morbid fascination as Yusuke began to cut himself. I didn't know what to do, so I just sat there, slightly dumbfounded.

When Yusuke finally ceased cutting himself, his arm looked like hamburger. He sat there for a second or two, just staring at what he had done. Then he closed his eyes, and slumped to the ground. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that Yusuke had passed out, and that this was bad because it meant that he would likely die from the blood loss if his bleeding wasn't stopped quickly.

Now I know that I may appear cold, and oftentimes I say things that lead people to believe that I am heartless and that I care for no one. However, I do genuinely like Yusuke and, even though it pains me to admit this, I do have a grudging respect for him. After all, he did kick my ass, although he did have some help from a certain traitorous fox. So I decided not to leave him there to die. I jumped down from the tree I was in and quickly removed his shirt so I could use it for bandages. Yes, I used his shirt not mine. Come on, I'm not THAT nice. However, when I removed his shirt I received another shock. His chest was covered in white scars, some older and some newer. Pausing for only a moment, a quickly proceeded to rip his shirt into rags that I could use as bandages. I patched his arm up as best I could and decided that I had to get him back to Genkai's so someone could heal him.

I picked up Yusuke's surprisingly light body and slung him over my shoulder Army style. I should note that Yusuke is very lucky that I'm pretty strong or else he'd have been in big trouble. It is incredibly hard to carry someone who's a foot taller than you, even if they don't weigh very much.

I finally reached Genkai's, and nearly cried when I realized that I still had to go up all those stupid steps with Yusuke's body in tow. Luckily, Kurama was just leaving Genkai's, so he helped me carry Yusuke up the steps. When we reached the dojo, Kurama and I deposited Yusuke on a couch and Kurama ran off to find Yukina. When he returned with Yukina, she let out a little gasp and promptly set about healing Yusuke.

After he was fully healed, but still unconscious, we confiscated his knife and searched him for any other things he might use to hurt himself. Then Genkai decided that we should lock Yusuke in a room that didn't have a window, and then ward him so he couldn't use his spirit energy to get out. Then all we had to do was wait til he regained consciousness.

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Well, there's the second chapter. I don't know if I'm going to switch the POV every chapter but there will definitely be some switching. Anyway, I've heard that some people want to know what exactly is bothering Yusuke. Well, that will probably be explained in the third chapter, maybe the forth. Speaking of which, I'd like five reviews before I post the third chapter. I'd also like to apologize for the short chapters, but I'll try to update quickly to make up for it.


	3. Confusion

Disclaimer: I still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Chapter Three-- Confusion

Hiei's POV

We waited for Yusuke to regain consciousness. I sat on a windowsill contemplating why Yusuke would cut himself. I couldn't really think of very many reasons for his actions. I had always assumed that Yusuke was quite happy. After all, he's always smiling and joking with the rest of our group. I suppose he must be a very good actor to fool everyone he associates with.

What Yusuke has done really bothers me, and it angers me that I am letting myself care about him. After all, I have not survived for so long by caring for people, especially humans. But even so, I still cannot bring myself to feel nothing for the detective. I suppose what's really bothering me is the fact that I actually want to know what someone else is feeling and why they are feeling it and how I can make it better.

Yusuke's POV

I woke up feeling very groggy and lightheaded. It must have been because of all the blood I lost. I took a moment to look at my wounds and see the damage I had done to myself. To my surprise, there weren't any wounds, just some faded scars. I then took a look at my surroundings. I wasn't in the forest anymore. I was in a fairly small blue room, and I was sitting on a futon. Now, I was very confused, and I think that you would be too. I had passed out on the forest floor bleeding to death of numerous self-inflicted wounds, and when I woke up, which is surprising enough in itself considering that I was dying, I'm in a small blue room with nothing but a few scars to show for all the time and effort I spent mutilating myself.

Oh well, I suppose the only way to find out where I am is to go check out the rest of this place. I got up slowly, and sorta stumbled to the door. However, when I tried to open the door, I found that the stupid thing had been locked from the outside. Mumbling a few curses, I started to power up my spirit gun so I could blow the damn door off its hinges. I stopped because nothing had happened. I tried to power up my spirit gun again. Still no results. That's when I finally noticed that someone had warded me. Which means I couldn't do jack until I recovered completely. Then I could just use my physical strength to kick the door down. But, of course, being me, I decided that I could just try to kick the damn door down anyway. Let's just say that the only thing I accomplished was a very sore foot.

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I know, I know, the chapter was really short. But I hope you liked it anyway. I promise I'll update soon if I continue to get reviews. Anyway, tell me what you liked and what you didn't like and I'll try to find a way to fix the problems with the story. Anyway, please REVIEW and have an absolutely fantastic day! Unless you'd rather have a shitty day, in which case, please feel free to enjoy your horrible day. P


	4. Confessions

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Chapter Four-- Confessions

Hiei's POV

I was still deep in thought about Yusuke when I heard a loud thump against the door of the room he was occupying. I then heard a rather loud "damn it" coming from the same room.

"Well, it looks as though Yusuke has finally woken up," Kurama said.

"We had better go check on him then," replied Genkai.

"Yes, I'd better come as well. I need to check on his wounds," Yukina chimed in.

When we reached Yusuke's room, we found him sitting on the futon rubbing his foot. Yukina immediately went to take a look at his arm.

"You are very lucky that Hiei got you here when he did, Yusuke. If he'd been ten minutes later, then you'd be dead right now," Yukina informed Yusuke.

Yusuke didn't say anything and an uncomfortable silence filled the air.

Finally I broke the silence, "May I have some time alone with Yusuke?"

The others looked slightly surprised but they went ahead and left the room anyway.

"Yusuke, why would you do this to yourself? Do you really feel that your life is so horrible?"

"What do you care? You don't care for anyone but yourself. No one does. No one is able to look past their own problems to see if anyone else is hurting."

"Yusuke, that isn't true. Despite my frigid exterior, I care for many people. My sister, my team, my friends. Yusuke, everyone here cares about you, and I can't understand why you are unable to recognize that. Besides, you said that people are too immersed in their own problem to see that others are hurting too. Yusuke, you are just as guilty of doing that as everyone else is. Kurama is worried about his mother, Genkai misses Toguro, Kuwabara is sick of being teased and put down, and I am unbearably lonely. Do you not see these things, or do you not care? I can assure you that you are not the only one in pain! Everyone has pain, but that doesn't mean that it's the end of the world! You just have to live another day, because you never know what another day will bring!"

"What do you know!! You don't have to live with what I have to. You just don't understand!"

"Why don't you explain it to me then," I said, beginning to become angry.

"You wanna know what's bothering me? Fine, I'll tell you. My mother doesn't even know I exist! My father is dead! I have absolutely no friends! All I am to Koenma is an employee to be dispatched as needed! My teammates don't care about me, they're just serving their stupid parole so they don't have to go to jail! All I am to Kuwabara is an opponent to be beaten and Keiko is always pissed off at me about something! Do you know how hard it is to keep living this life when no one would care if you didn't?" Yusuke screamed at me.

"Yes, I do know what that's like! I've spent hundreds of years of my life where not a single person cared if I lived or died. That's why you have to live for _yourself_ when there's no one else to live for! And if you can't live for yourself then at least live for _me_!" I said passionately.

"What?" Yusuke said, very confused

That's when I realized exactly what I'd said. Afraid that I might say something else that would seriously embarrass me, I fled. The last thing I saw was Yusuke's face and it was completely shocked.

Yeah, Hiei got kind of passionate and talkative, but I thought it was sweet. Anway, REVIEW to tell me what you thought and what you think I should fix. In the mean time, have a good life. Oh, and for all of you out there who weren't paying attention, that's why Yusuke is so depressed. He's upset because he doesn't think that anyone gives a damn about him and that no one would notice if he dropped off the face of this stupid fucking planet.


	5. Ponderings

Disclaimer: I still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Chapter Five-- Ponderings

Yusuke's POV

What the hell?!! Did Hiei just say what I think he said? I mean... what the hell?! Hiei would never say anything like that! But... he just did. So where does that leave me?

Several Days Later- Genkai's Forest

Hiei's POV

I've been thinking about Yusuke for the last several days. I have no idea why I said what I said, but ever since I found out that he felt as though no one cared, I've been feeling very strange. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling. In my entire life, I have never felt this way before. The only thing that I can say about it, is that it's a terrible pain mixed with a sense of anguish and guilt. I want to know what this strange feeling is, but at the same time I only wish that it would go away and leave me in peace. After all, I've spent my entire life trying to erase my emotions because of the pain they have inevitably brought me. It may sound cowardly, but there's so much less pain involved when a person cares for nothing and no one. No one can hurt you if you just don't care. And right now, I really wish I didn't care.

Genkai's

I haven't seen Hiei in a couple days. I haven't even sensed his ki signature. But that's all right, I'll just corner him at Koenma's meeting tonight and make him tell me what he meant the other day. Speaking of what Hiei said, I'm really surprised that he knows so much about other people's lives. I can hardly believe that Hiei could be so passionate about anything. Especially other people. Who knew?

Later that night- Genkai's

Hiei's POV

Koenma has called yet another meeting. I find it quite odd that he is already sending us on assignments when Yusuke nearly killed himself only a few days ago. However, I suppose that it's not really his fault that another pathetic demon is attempting to take over one of the three worlds. This meeting does present quite a problem for me though. I mean, Yusuke is going to be here, and undoubtedly he is going to question me about my little outburst the other day. Questions that I myself do not have the answers to. I suppose that if I truly tried, I could find what is hidden in my heart. But then, I've always been better at running away from my emotions than at analyzing them.

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Hi again guys! I'm so, so, so sorry that I didn't update sooner! It's been what? Five months? Eeep! I'm so sorry!! Please don't kill me! I've had a really hard time trying to get the creative juices flowing again, but they're back on, sorta, so I'll be better at updating! I promise! However, it'll probably take, like, another week to update because I always get a bunch of homework in my classes. Then, after school, I've got wrestling practice, which is really hard, so I don't get home 'til at least 5:30. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! I know there are quite a few things in the story that don't quite add up yet, but I will explain all in the next chapter or two. Ooh, just so ya know, I went back and fixed some of the previous chapters. So, I hope you'll REVIEW and tell me what you liked/disliked, because the more reviews I get, the faster I update! In theory at least.

By the way, I've had a bunch of people complain about how short the chapters are. I'm sorry about that, it's just that I can only write about a page of good material at a time, and a page in Microsoft word is like, miniscule on the web because of the margins and everything. So, I'm sorry about the shortness, but really, would you rather have short good chapters or long chapters that suck ass so much that there's no point in reading them?


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